Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones, Words Can Really Hurt, Too!

Have you ever heard something that made you cringe? One of the worst things I have ever heard was an angry parent berating and cussing out their child. It happened again the other day at the grocery store. It made me want to cry, because no matter what that child had done, he did not warrant being ridiculed and verbally abused by such caustic words.

Our Words Have Consequences!

Even though it happens every day, no child should ever hear venomous words like that precious little boy did. The scars can last a lifetime. Sadly, if a parent talks that way in public, I shudder to think how they are in private!

This latest tirade made me wonder what kind of life that mother was living that she felt that her cruel words were acceptable. Her son was probably only about six or seven years old, still young enough to make many childish mistakes. He was sobbing, which made his mom even more angry. I just smiled at them both and said hi. That seemed to stop the mom in her tracks. I hope she realized that others were hearing her, and she calmed down.

Our Words Can Destroy Like a Fire!

This incident made me think a lot about our words. We can sure do a lot of damage with them, can’t we? The Lord’s own brother, James, said our words are like a fire. In fact, he said it’s easier to tame a wild animal than to tame our tongues!

In James 3:5-8 he said, “The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

Wow! Our tongues are a “restless evil, full of deadly poison?” Those are pretty serious words! It makes it sound hopeless. The consequences of our words can condemn us for all eternity! Think about that. Our words can harm and destroy others. Sadly, children learn so much of this behavior from their parents. Bullying and cyberbullying are rampant and destroying lives of so many of our young people even at the elementary level. It breaks my heart.

Positive Words Vs. Negative Ones

One of my college psychology professors told us that it takes 40 positive strokes to counteract one negative one. That is so true about our words. People always remember the hurtful things more than the good. It’s sad, but we know from experience how true this is. Our words can cause irreparable damage.

If you think back to your school days, I bet you can still remember someone’s hateful or careless words directed at you. I still can, and it makes me sad for that young girl I was back then. A “friend” thought it would be funny to call me “sausage biscuit.” I was a little overweight, so she explained that “I was fluffy on the outside but lean on the inside.” She said it on many occasions, and I just shrunk lower every time. It hurt. I didn’t have the courage to stand up for myself. Most young people don’t. I know if I came across the friend today and mentioned this to her, she would be shocked that it had caused me so much pain, which obviously it did for me to remember it so clearly more than 50 years later.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

When we are school age, we don’t have the maturity and wisdom to watch our words, so we just let them fly out of our mouths and wound. That’s why it’s important for parents to teach our children about the power of their words. Telling them is important but showing them by our actions is even more valuable.

One mother was helping her daughter prepare for her first year in middle school. They decorated her locker, bought new clothes to wear, and picked out a new backpack. The night before school was to start, this mom handed her daughter a plate with a new tube of toothpaste sitting on it. She told her to squirt all the toothpaste out on the plate. Her daughter looked at her confused but did what her mother asked. Then her mother calmly told her to put the toothpaste back in the tube.

The daughter protested, “But I can’t! It won’t go back in. It won’t be the same!”

Our Words Are Like Toothpaste?

This wise mother, nodded her head, smiled, and told her daughter, ““You will remember this plate of toothpaste for the rest of your life. Your words are powerful. As you go into middle school, you are about to see just how much weight your words carry. You are going to have the opportunity to use your words to hurt, demean, slander and wound others. You are also going to have the opportunity to use your words to heal, encourage, inspire and love others. Just like this toothpaste, once the words leave your mouth, you can’t take them back.”

She went on to tell her daughter, “Use your words carefully. When others are misusing their words, guard your words. Make the choice every morning that life-giving words will come out of your mouth. Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion. Use your words and actions to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness.” Amen to that! That message applies to us as well. We all need to be life-givers. This messed-up world needs to hear our positive words of hope.

Wash Your Mouth Out With Soap!

When I was a little girl, I remember my mom washing my mouth out with soap when I said a bad word (btw, it was “darn,” and she did not like it!). My little sister, Toni, was a bit more rebellious and had the soapy pleasure many more times than I did. It was a common practice in the “old days.” No one does that anymore, but maybe would should at least think about “cleaning up” the way we talk.

Sadly, the world has really changed! If someone doesn’t like something, they have to loudly proclaim it! It doesn’t matter if it is rude or hurtful, because it is their “right” to say what they feel. But there is so much negativity, criticism, and foul language involved. It seems to be an accepted trend in movies, TV shows, and music. I sure see a lot of it on social media. It seems even many Christians think using foul language is acceptable. How can a child of God write a post using disgusting “curse” words, but then praise God in another one? I just can’t understand it. I wrote about social media problems in a previous post. You can read it here: https://grandma-d.com/mood-swings-gods-got-this/#more-301

Our Words Are Supposed To Bless!

In the next two verses of the James 3 passage mentioned above, he also addressed this problem: “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” He’s not talking to everyone in the world, but to Christians who should know better!

We are called to be different from the world in our words as well as our actions. I know it isn’t easy. The apostle Paul tells us to “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt.” (Colossians 4:6)  The Psalmist also struggled with his words and prayed, “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3) And good old James also has some wise advice: “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19)

Intelligent People Use Intelligent Words!

As a teacher, I always told my students, “Intelligent people make intelligent choices.” I explained that using curse words and slang is just lazy. Finding the right words to say shows thought, care and intelligence. My parents taught me that, and I have followed this all my life. I don’t use foul language because I am too smart to do so. Now at my age, it’s not even something I consider saying. Of course, I’m far from perfect! Believe me! There are many other things I struggle with that get the best of me every day.

But It’s Not Hopeless!

Now, my dear one, I want you to understand one important thing. Please, hear this. If you struggle with your words (or actions), it is not hopeless. Our Father understands that we mess up every day. He knows what we struggle with and how we fail even when we try.

We all have plenty of these shame stories, where the ugliest parts of ourselves take over. We do and say what we don’t want to be doing and saying. We’ve fallen short. Again. We don’t meet God’s standards. We miss the mark one more time. When we hurt others with our words and actions, we hurt ourselves as well. As much as we try, we blow it again. In fact, it’s impossible to meet His standards. We just can’t. That sounds pretty depressing, doesn’t it? Maybe we should just throw in the towel and give up.

Jesus Has The Last Word!

Thankfully, instead of focusing on our shame, Jesus does something different. He sees it for what it is and writes the word “love” over it instead. It’s called GRACE. In Romans 3:23-24, we are reminded that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, we are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”

We still understand our need to be rescued. We still comprehend all our failures, but we know that we are justified by God’s grace as a gift. Justification means our guilt and the penalty of our sin have been removed, while at the same time, we’ve been given right standing with God through Jesus’ death on the cross. He declares us, “Not guilty!”

He promises us that His grace and mercy are new every morning. The slate is wiped clean. That means we have a fresh start every single day. In Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Those are the sweetest words of all!