How Does Daddy Feel About Me?

When I was growing up in Virginia, my father wasn’t one to ever share his affections with us. My sister Toni and I often asked our mama (who was very generous with her affection), “Why doesn’t Daddy love us?” She would always reply, “Oh, but he does. He was just raised in a family that never said it. He didn’t feel it, so he just doesn’t know how.”

Honestly, we didn’t really believe that because as kids you only feel your daddy’s love when he is affectionate with his hugs and his words.

Believing that he just didn’t love us weighed on our hearts and truly affected our relationship with him. We eagerly yearned for just a hint of his love and affection, but we couldn’t see or feel it. On the other hand, his discipline was very obvious. We often thought it was “severe” (but honestly, it was mostly deserved). Sadly, it was even more traumatic because we couldn’t see the love behind it.

Sunday Morning Drama

Sunday mornings at our house were probably the worst. They were usually chaotic. The challenge of everyone getting up, dressed, and ready for church on time was difficult. But add to that the stress of three females in the house with one bathroom, and you can imagine it was not a happy place. The mornings were often filled with yelling and threats. Daddy hated being late, and as hard as we tried, we could never seem to get ready fast enough.

There was one Sunday in particular I still remember clearly to this day (and it was more than 60 years ago!). We had our usual morning conflict at full steam. Daddy was jumping on us about being late again. Well, with that tension added with our feelings of insecurity, I viciously blurted out, “I hate you!” Toni, who was three years younger than me, added, “I hate you, too!”

The house became strangely silent. Mama said, “Girls! You don’t mean that!” But we replied defiantly, “Yes, we do.”

Feeling the Silence

Then, more silence. We just knew when we got back home Daddy was going to punish us, wash our mouths out with soap, or spank us. It would probably be something just awful for what we had done. But he didn’t say anything. That made us feel worse!

We finally got into the car and on our way to church. Everyone was quiet, but we could still feel the tension in the air. We girls had knots in our stomachs, just knowing that the punishment would be severe. It wasn’t just our words that were terrible but our actions of spewing venom and acting hateful.

It was not easy turning off those feelings to focus on worshiping God. But Mama always made sure we had smiles on our faces as we entered the church building. I didn’t feel much like singing, but I loved hearing my mama’s beautiful voice and watching the glow on her face. It was obvious to me how much she loved God. She was my biggest inspiration for wanting to become a Christian. I wanted to be like her in so many ways.

Feeling Panic, but Then Surprise!

After church, we dreaded getting in the car. But surprisingly we didn’t go straight back home. Instead, Daddy did something I will never forget. He drove us to a fancy restaurant in town for a wonderful Sunday dinner. Now in those days, we never went out to eat, ever. It was too expensive, and so we always ate at home. No McDonalds. No Burger King. No Long John Silvers. Thankfully, Mama was an amazing cook, so we would rarely feel deprived.

Believe it or not, I still remember that Sunday meal. I had fried shrimp for the very first time, and the waitress brought us drawn butter to dip it in. I still remember feeling so “fancy.” We were on our best behavior, because this was a uniquely special treat, and we knew it had to cost a lot of money.

Daddy never said anything about what we had done. His silence and unexpected generosity spoke more to us than anything he could have said.

Forgiveness and Undeserved Grace

Toni and I both apologized and told him we loved him. And life went on. I’d love to tell you that everything was perfect after that. That there was always love, laughter and bluebirds singing. But that wasn’t how it was. Daddy still could not show his feelings for us. There were still conflicts on Sunday mornings and other times as well. We still had painful consequences when we disobeyed. But we would never say those terrible words again. More importantly, we would never feel like saying those words again. We still yearned for our daddy to tell us how much he loved us, but he rarely could.

I’ll always remember him giving us that gift. It was grace, pure and simple. It was an extraordinary gift lavished on us at the moment we least deserved it. It was so special, beyond what I could ever imagine.

God’s Gift is Undeserved

And that, my dear one, is the beautiful gift God gives you and me. His gift of salvation, the extravagant grace we don’t deserve and can never earn, is ours simply if we choose it. And why wouldn’t we?

His amazing gift of grace is something precious and unique. It is given fully and generously to us when we are at our very worst, full of ugliness, sin and shame. We certainly don’t deserve it. There is no price we can pay to get it; it’s all free. But it wasn’t free for our Lord. It cost him everything.

Even now, I can’t grasp how much God loves us! He gave up his only son, Jesus, to die a violent, horrible death on a cross just so we can have a home with him forever. Wow! And Jesus willingly went to that cross, enduring the pain just for us. That doesn’t make sense in my human mind. I feel so grateful, but also humbled and unworthy of such a priceless gift.

He Wants More For You

If you haven’t accepted God’s free gift of salvation, you may not understand how amazing your life can be. You may feel weighed down by guilt and wondering how he could ever accept you. You may not feel you’re worthy, but he doesn’t care about your past. I’ll say that again – God does not care about anything in your past! He is bursting with love for you right now. He is patiently waiting for you with his arms outstretched. It’s really not a hard decision, but it will change your life forever. I promise.

Do You Feel Something is Missing?

If you have questions or you want to know more about claiming God’s grace for yourself, that is a good thing. If you feel a tug on your heart to have more purpose and value in your life, that’s an even better thing! There is a God-shaped hole in every human heart needing to be filled. Can you feel it?

If you are wondering how to accept this gift, the answer is in many places in the Bible, which is God’s inspired word. One place is in Acts 2:38, which says, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

So if you want to find the answers you are seeking, let’s talk. You can email me any time right here on this website. I care about you, and I’m praying for you.  More importantly, your Heavenly Father cares even more. He wants you to come home. Home — a place where you don’t ever have to wonder if you are loved. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Listen to this beautiful old hymn, it’s one of my favorites: https://youtu.be/QkDBdnJe3Xw?si=k2vYpcR60Eulav3P

Prayer:

Dearest Father, we are so grateful for your gift of grace! There are so many people in this world who feel empty and don’t know why. Please touch their hearts so that they will want this marvelous gift of eternal life with you. Help us to open our eyes to those who need you and share this good news with them.  In Jesus’ name, AMEN

P.S.

I have to add a little follow-up about my dad. When I grew up and got married, it took a few years before I finally became pregnant with my first child. Daddy took early retirement from his career in Pennsylvania, and he and my mama moved to Texas to be near their first grandchild. When my daughter, Leslie, was born, I saw a big change in my dad. He was so in love with his granddaughter! It was amazing. He would play with her, carry her around, lie on the floor with her, sing to her, and pour more love on her than I could ever imagine. It made me feel so wonderful; it was like he was loving me through Leslie. Our relationship grew closer and more precious. I finally knew my daddy loved me!

Sadly, he passed away unexpectedly when he was only 59. But I hold those sweet memories close to my heart.  And, my dear one, please make sure you never take your loved ones for granted. Tell them you love them right now! Don’t wait!