Praying When Life Is Tough!

Sometimes we go through challenges in life that make us evaluate our faith and our prayer life. Of course, since I have lived a long time, I have had many such experiences where the only thing I could do was pray.

My first husband, Bill, had severe epilepsy, which is a very difficult and misunderstood illness. I think it is one of the few illnesses where people still discriminate against the one who has it. Seizures are scary to see and even more difficult to understand. So, of course, people tend to back away. It can be a sad, lonely time for the person as well as for his or her family. I prayed so many times out of despair and loneliness.

Bill, unfortunately, had more than one kind of seizures. Not only did he have  “grand mal” convulsive seizures, which are the most frightening to witness, but he also had “complex-partial” seizures. With these, the person looks awake but is doing “odd” things. This might include crawling around on the floor, pushing against an invisible wall, grabbing at something or someone, or wandering around as if they were drunk. In actuality, the person is still unconscious and totally unaware of what is happening until sometime after the seizure is over. For Bill, it was probably a blessing for him to be unconscious because I think his actions would have devastated him. He was a good guy when he wasn’t having seizures. It was a helpless feeling, and all I could do was keep praying.

Praying During Trauma

Believe it or not, it was this second type of seizures that caused the most stress in our family and with Bill’s employment. One of the other complications was that Bill would often become angry and violent. Remember, he was actually unconscious, but his actions were still traumatic for the rest of us to deal with.

As the mother of two young children, it was my responsibility to protect them, which I did by taking them for a drive or by locking the three of us into a room while silently praying until the seizure was over.

Are You Listening, God?

Life was difficult. I literally prayed every day that God would take this burden away from us. Each time Bill had another seizure, I prayed, “Please, Lord, let this be the last one.” I just couldn’t understand why He never “answered” my prayers. I cried and cried, wondering what I had done wrong in my life to deserve all this suffering (it sounds kind of selfish when I say that, since I was not the one with the seizures!). Bill even had two complicated brain surgeries for his seizures, which sadly were unsuccessful. This led to more tears and disappointment, and more questioning God, “Why?”

God Hears My Prayers

Please understand that I am not looking for sympathy or pity. I just want to assure you that even in the toughest of times, God is faithful. You see, God really did hear my prayers. Through all the pain and trauma, He was there holding me and helping me. Sometimes I didn’t see it because I only thought He “should” answer my prayers the way I wanted and expected Him to.

Yes, it was a difficult life, but so much good came out of it. Most of all, I learned to lean on the only One who is always dependable! He knows us best and loves us most. How can there be anything better than that?

A Wounded Healer

I also learned that the verses in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, are true: ^“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Because of my experiences, I became “a wounded healer.” I have been equipped to comfort others in ways beyond what I can do on my own. I have provided support and encouragement to family members of those with seizure disorders. I have helped several people stay safe during their seizures, while reassuring bystanders that everything would be okay. I was able to help a little boy in one of my kindergarten classes to feel safe and accepted even when he had seizures in class. I even stayed with his mom at the hospital as he had brain surgery to relieve those seizures. Then, a few years later, I was also “equipped” as a widow to minister to other women who lost their husbands.

He Listens to ME!

In a past post, I talked about contentment. It seems to be more elusive in this world that seems out of control, doesn’t it? You can read that post here: https://grandma-d.com/gimme-more/  Did you know that there is a direct connection between our prayer life and our level of contentment?

Prayer is such a powerful thing! It is our personal connection with the Creator of the universe. It is amazing to me that He loves me so much that He takes time to listen to my prayers. Yes, He knows what I want before the words leave my lips. Sure, He could just snap His fingers and move circumstances around any way He chooses, but instead He listens. I especially love the image in Psalm 116:2, “Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.”

Can you picture that? This loving Father, the same all-powerful God who created everything, stops just to focus on what you have to say. With all the craziness and the noises of this twirling planet, He leans down from His throne because He doesn’t want to miss this special time with you! How amazing!

Praying and Trusting

So why would our Father not want to give us everything we want? Just like a loving parent, He knows not everything we ask for is good for us. Sometimes He wants us to open our hearts to just trust Him. Other times, He answers but not in ways we expect. Most of the time, He knows there are lessons and growth that will come from those struggles. It’s like pruning an apple tree – all that snipping and cutting can seem painful, but it will yield sweeter fruit in the future.

I can tell you, my dear one, that God will do all of those things. Believe me. He will always answer, but sometimes we may not be listening or not ready for what He has to say. That is especially true when we have our minds made up that we know what is best for us. I know that is true for me!

Prayer — More Than Just Words

Let’s talk a bit about prayer itself. To some people, prayer is only that repetitive phrase they say at every mealtime. When I was little it was, “God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for our food. Amen.”

Some others might actually add a prayer at bedtime, “Now I lay me down to sleep….”

Why are these prayers ineffective? Well, for one thing, they are worn-out phrases that have lost their meaning. Yes, our God truly is great! He created the universe and all that is in it. He is good and generous and loving. But, of course, we don’t really think about the meaning of those repetitive words as we say them, do we? I mean, they are cute when recited by little children. But for us? Not so much. By the way, I read a practical article about teaching children to pray. Some of the points apply to us grown-ups as well. Check it out: https://www.gominno.com/parents/how-to-teach-your-children-to-pray/

Praying With My Heart

Prayers that make a difference in our lives are those that come from our hearts. God doesn’t expect spiritual phrases or big words. All He wants is to hear your deepest thoughts, even those that are full of pain or anger. Yes, He already knows all of your feelings and can handle them just fine. Sometimes just saying, “Father, I don’t know how to pray. Help me” is enough. There have been many times the Holy Spirit has turned my groans and cries into worship and overwhelmed me with a deep sense of peace.

Don’t Give Up!

Are you going through a struggle that takes your breath away? Is there pain in your life – physical, emotional or spiritual – that just knocks you to your knees? Are you sad, lonely, scared, worried, angry, or depressed? Maybe you just want to give up. I wish I could take that pain away. I wish I had magic words to ease your aching heart.

But I can assure you that your Heavenly Father is still close by and wanting to give you His peace in the middle of your pain. Talk to Him. He is listening. Even when you don’t feel like praying, just keep turning to Him anyway. Any way you can.