I Just Don’t Feel Like It!

When I was growing up, I fought with my little sister, Toni, quite a bit. I’d like to blame most of it on Toni as she always pestered me, especially when I had friends over. I was three years older, so I didn’t really want her hanging around. But, I know deep down that I was just as guilty as she was!

We drove our mama crazy. She tried everything to get us to stop bickering. She always told us to look each other in the eyes and apologize. But, of course, neither of us wanted to do that. Even if we didn’t feel like it, Mama made us do it anyway. So we said it through gritted teeth. Then she made us sit next to each other on the sofa until we could “be nice.” I’m happy to say we survived all that drama. Toni and I grew up to be best friends, and I miss her every day.

I Want Vengeance Right Now, Lord!

I have to be honest with you. Sometimes I don’t like to forgive. If someone I love treats me unfairly or says something caustic, I want to hold on to my anger and bitterness for a while. I rail at them in my mind and call on God to strike them with guilt for what they have done. My feelings are hurt, and I want justice! Now I’m not usually one who says all that to their face, but I’m thinking it and shouting at them in my head. And those feelings stick in my heart for way too long.

I just want to remind the Lord about His promise in Romans 12:19, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Ah ha! When I’m hurt, I like thinking about God zapping them with guilt! So I tell God, “Ok Lord, make this person feel your wrath. Let them hurt like they have hurt me.” But, as we both know, nothing ever happens immediately. God doesn’t work on the same time frame as we do, which is probably a good thing about Him zapping someone!  But it doesn’t dispel my anger. I still don’t feel any better, so I stew.

I Just Stew In My Feelings

Have you ever made stew? It’s something that you let cook slowly over a long time. You stir it a few times and then come back every few minutes and stir it again, so it doesn’t stick to the pot.

That’s what I do with my anger and hurt. I let it keep simmering inside me, and then I stir it up and feel all those bad feelings all over again. If that person does one more thing wrong, I remember and grumble even more under my breath.

Yes, my feelings may be justified, but it is still making me miserable. It is also not doing anything to that other person. They just go along on their happy way.

Godly Actions Have Nothing To Do With How I Feel

Here’s the interesting thing about that verse in Romans 12. It is stuck right in the middle of a chapter full of the right ways to treat others! In verses 9-10, Paul says, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Outdo one another? That makes it sound almost like a competition. I’m going to honor that other person more than they can ever honor me. Just watch this! But when we truly honor them, that turns our thoughts and actions to focus on what is good for them. It takes our minds off of ourselves. It has nothing to do with how we feel! Our words are powerful and can be dangerous if left unchecked. I wrote about this in a post a couple of years ago. Here is the link for you to check it out: https://grandma-d.com/speak-no-evil-the-danger-of-our-words/

Think About How Others Feel

Then in that same 12th chapter in Romans, look at verses 14-17: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Notice it doesn’t say anything about what the other person is doing. It tells me to get in their shoes and think about how they might feel. It tells me to do the right thing no matter what. I don’t have to like it; I just have to do it. And isn’t that just like what my Savior did when He died on the cross for me? He certainly didn’t like it, but I’m so grateful he did it anyway!

Right after those verses, Paul sticks that “vengeance is mine” verse in there. It doesn’t seem to fit. But he knows that all those honorable traits will not come easily for us. We just have to do our part, no matter what, and the Lord will take care of the rest.

Compassion Means I Care

Finally, Paul gives us more specific ways to behave toward others in verses 20-21: “To the contrary (“contrary” in these verses means doing the opposite of what you want to do), “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” That’s what a compassionate, caring Christian does.

So maybe, just maybe, if I’m extra thoughtful, extra helpful, and yes, extra kind, that person may feel the guilt of what they have done and try to make amends. If they don’t, that is between them and God. But here’s what truly happens — my eyes are opened and my heart is softened. And I realize once again that I am not the one in charge. That helps me to take a deep breath and calm down.

There is an old hymn that is rarely sung anymore called, “Angry Words (Love One Another).” The harmonies are beautiful, especially when just the sopranos and altos sing the verses as a gentle duet. I finally found a version that had the lyrics with it. I think you will like the message. Here’s the link: https://youtu.be/6U5KibrNJSQ?si=-_sXycvDpA9zEi-i

I’d like to tell you that I have this all under control, but I don’t. I just have to keep reminding myself that my mistakes have been nailed to a bloody cross. I’ve been forgiven far more than I deserve. All by a humble and compassionate Savior who loves me no matter what. How can I not do the same?

Prayer:

Dear Father, sometimes we get hurt by others. Sometimes we say and do things that we wish we didn’t. Please forgive us! Teach us to be gentle and thoughtful. Help us to see others with Your eyes. Give us Your gracious heart to forgive because You have forgiven us of so many things, more than we ever deserve! In Jesus’ beautiful name. AMEN.